“Every choice lays down a trail of breadcrumbs, so that when you look behind you there appears to be a very clear path that points straight to the place where you now stand. But when you look ahead there isn’t a breadcrumb in sight. There are just a few shrubs, a bunch of trees, a handful of skittish woodland creatures. You glance from left to right and find no indication of which way you’re supposed to go. And so you stand there, sniffing at the wind, looking for directional clues in the growth patterns of moss and you think, What now?”
—Ann Patchett, What Now?
Early this year I took the Strengthsfinder assessment, meant to identify key personal and professional strengths. According to the assessment, Context (hello, Master’s degree in history!) and Discipline ranked high on my strengths list, but to my surprise Connectedness came in at the very top. Gallup, the entity that administers the assessment, says that people with a strong sense of connectedness “have faith in the links among all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has meaning.” To you this might sound a little woo-woo, but to me it pretty accurately describes the tingle at the back of my head that seems to tell me to sit up and pay attention because what happens next is going to make a big impact. I’ve learned not to question that sensation, and this year I’ve been trying to make space for it, to let go of the to-do lists and rigid plans of my daily discipline in favor of being open to what might surprise me, in favor of the connections I might not yet see.
I spent most of this year pondering the question, “What now?” Even before I found Ann Patchett’s slender little book with that title, I found myself wondering how I wanted to spend my life, the months and years ahead of me. What did I want to learn? What would I regret not pursuing? What kinds of things did I want to write? And after I found Ann Patchett’s little book (free! on Hoopla! read by the author!) I was hungry for more stories that took me out of 2019, taught me something new, and reminded me of what made me who I am. I dug into the works of Ursula K. LeGuin, Kate Di Camillo, Patti Smith, and Edith Wharton for the first time, and giggled and sobbed and aha!ed with delight. I also reacquainted myself with old friends: I read Claire Harman’s biography of Charlotte Bronte, among the best books I have ever read and one that brought to life my literary patron saint in a way I can’t describe. I read plays because I wanted to. I went to see Ann Patchett speak in Elkins Park, PA, on my birthday, simply because I happened to see the sign and my occipital bone tingled with anticipation. I wondered about other new opportunities, paths that seemed to fork off the main route, and I read a lot of very short books because I am revising a very long novel that has needed a lot of brave and significant pruning.
Still, the thing I learned this year from reading was not to take anything too seriously. It’s okay to put down books you don’t find interesting, it’s equally fine to fall in love with a children’s book or graphic novel. One of those things might lead you somewhere wonderful and unexpected. The best thing we can do is open our ears, our hearts, and our minds, and ask, “What now?”
“When it comes to finding our way we’re better off taking in as much information, from as many sources, as possible… The secret is to keep adding voices, adding ideas, and moving things around as you put together your life. If you’re lucky, putting together your life is a process that will last through every single day you’re alive.”
—Ann Patchett, What Now?
- Here is New York, E. B. White
- Sheets, Brenna Thummler
- When Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi
- The Stone Sky, N. K. Jemisin*
- Mary Poppins, P. L. Travers*
- The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton
- Another Brooklyn, Jacqueline Woodson
- Homeland and Other Stories, Barbara Kingsolver
- The Seagull, Anton Chekov
- Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, J. K. Rowling
- Norse Mythology, Neil Gaiman
- Lila, Marilynne Robinson*
- Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
- Locomotive, Brian Floca
- Original Zinn, Howard Zinn
- What If?, Randall Monroe
- Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James
- Les cigognes sont immortelles, Alain Mabanckou
- Good Dog. Stay., Anna Quindlen
- Life on Mars, Tracy K. Smith*
- A Society, Virginia Woolf
- An Age of License, Lucy Knisley
- Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, Harumi Murakami
- Fortunately, The Milk, Neil Gaiman
- A Study in Emerald, Neil Gaiman*
- What Now?, Ann Patchett*
- Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Edward Albee
- The Body’s Question, Tracy K. Smith*
- Charlotte Bronte: a Fiery Heart, Claire Harman*
- White Fragility, Robin DiAngelo
- A Tale For The Time Being, Ruth Ozeki
- Duende, Tracy K. Smith
- Cinderella Liberator, Rebecca Solnit
- The Transitive Vampire, Karen Gordon
- Algeria is Beautiful like America, Olivia Burton
- Brooklyn, Colm Toibin
- Virginia Woolf: An Illustrated Biography, Zena Alkayat
- Life Lessons Harry Potter Taught Me, Jill Kolongowski
- Between the World and Me, Ta-Nahisi Coates
- The Dark Side of Empathy, Fritz Breithaupt
- Where’d You Go, Bernadette?, Maria Semple
- Caleb’s Crossing, Geraldine Brooks*
- What Now?, Ann Patchett
- The Excellent Lombards, Jane Hamilton*
- To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf*
- A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin
- Dear Elizabeth, Sarah Ruhl
- The Duck Variations, David Mamet
- Millk and Honey, Rupi Kaur
- Feminism is for Everybody, bell hooks
- Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf
- Cowboy Mouth, Patti Smith and Sam Shepherd
- Sunset Baby, Dominique Morriseau
- Elements of Fiction, Walter Moseley
- Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi
- Persepolis 2, Marjane Satrapi
- Apollo, Fitch, Baker, Collins
- Beloved, Toni Morrison
- Because of Winn-Dixie, Kate DiCamillo
- The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, Kate DiCamillo*
- Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman
- Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton*
- What Now?, Ann Patchett
- Angels in America, Tony Kushner
- Woolgathering, Patti Smith*
- Hallelujah Anyway, Anne Lamott
- Scandinavia: A History, Ewan Butler
- The Tombs of Atuan, Ursula K. Le Guin
- Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys
- Words Under Words, Naomi Shihab Nye
* books I loved
Grey Sea & Sky 
This is marvelous!
With love and sweet thanks!